Lack of Physical Intimacy in Marriage? 4 Remedies to Try Before Frustrations Lead to Affair

By Dr. Randy Carney

Do you have a lack of physical intimacy in marriage? Perhaps you have none at all. Is there any hope? Is this state driving you crazy?

Maybe you have not really been involved in an affair, at least not physically, but is the lack of physical intimacy causing your mind to engage in a marriage emotional affair.

Not always, but many times the greater frustration in such cases applies to the husband. If you are the husband, is the lack of physical intimacy about to lead to affair type thoughts? The same can happen to the wife.

Any marriage can experience times of cooling down, but has yours reached a serious state?

Many couples have thought of straying in such situations, but others have discovered the secret of overcoming and restoring their love lives.

Before you think of having an affair (and, don’t have one, even if you think about it!), try these four remedies:

1. Think about whether your approach may be turning your partner off. Maybe you are part of the reason for the cooling down. If your partner avoids your touch, find ways to restore this aspect of marriage.

How do you do that? Here are some ways: Start with small gestures. Venture forth with small touches. Move on to holding hands, etc. Don’t add pressure, just get used to touching again in small ways.

2. Don’t dwell on the past. Don’t try to prove who is right or wrong. The past is past. Dwelling on it will only lead to more frustration. (However, do learn from your past. Make the changes you know you need to make.) Don’t dwell on the negative. Remember good things from the past. Make a list if you have to do so. Emphasize the positive.

3. Don’t blame yourself!. Even though you are the one taking responsibility, your spouse may be even more to blame. You may feel quite humiliated because it seems like your spouse does not want you physically. While you correct your past mistake, move on without any more blame–no matter how humiliated you may feel.

4. Attack this problem as you would any other problem. The tendency is to engage in denial or place blame; yet, if you had another type of problem, you would seek answers. In this case, get information. Read good books on the subject. If friends or professionals can help, get their advice. Learn from others who have overcome.

If you take these four steps, and really dwell on the last one, you will be so busy attacking the problem and getting answers, that you will have less time to even think of having an affair.

These four steps will help, but, wait, we don’t even know if that is all of the problem. Sometimes problems occur in one area of marriage, but they are a result of, or compounded by, problems in another area.

All successful marriages have at least some measure of success in each of six major areas. If failure occurs in any one of them, that condition affects most of the others.

To find Six Keys to Marital Bliss, go to The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage website. To get further information on achieving physical intimacy, go to http://www.drrandycarney.webs.com/greatphysicalintimacy.htm.