The atmosphere for effective communication should first be created by ensuring that no one is afraid to say his or her mind. Intimidation or threat should be completely absent. No ones opinion should be disdained no matter how nonsensical it may appear. Partners in marriage should carry each other along in their decisions by seeking and respecting the views of one another. Women especially, have the habit of recoiling into their shell when they notice that their views are usually ignored. Confidence has to be built into such people by showing regard to their opinion. Politeness at all times should be the watchword.

Secrecy on the part of any partner will hamper effective communication and ultimately result to conflicts in the marriage. One cardinal truth every husband or wife must know and adjust to is the principle or doctrine of oneness in marriage. Anybody who does not believe in it or is not ready to adapt to it should not think of marriage. Marriage is for mature men and women who understand all its implications and are ready to obey them. People in marriage are expected to be open to each other in all areas of marital life. With that there communication will be forthright and sincere. In some societies, some people still live in marriage with the primitive fable that a man should not allow his wife to know all about him, especially his finances. Such men, of course, hardly have any effective communication with their wives.

Shearing together requires closeness of the partners. The two should not allow any kind of barrier to exist between them. Not having enough time to stay together at home is a serious barrier that has wrecked homes. If there is no such closeness that creates intimacy, how can the husband understand the feelings of the wife, and vice versa? Some legitimate things like ones job or domestic chores can become barriers to effective communication in marriage if they don’t create room for closeness.

Sex for married people is an obligation not only for the purposes of procreation or erotic enjoyment but also for uniting the partners spiritually. Sex is the most powerful element in marriage because of what it connotes. It makes marriage sacred and is a builder of love and intimacy – such love and intimacy that is only reserved for married couples. The sacredness of sexual intercourse makes it an abomination for the unmarried to go into it.

A marriage partner that does not understand the importance of sex in marriage will toy with it and expose his or her marriage to dangers. In my position as a pastor, I have observed lot of problems in marriage as a result of a partner neglecting or denying the other partner this marital obligation. This problem occurs from two reasons.

The first but inadvertent reason is the pre-marriage life one lived. Those who married as virgins, especially born-again Christians, take some time to adjust to marital sex life. Some of them continue to live with the notion that sex is sinful. They find it difficult to yield themselves to their husbands or wives. Initially, the man or woman may show some understanding but will become irritated if it continues will ultimately lead to problems in the marriage.

The second cause, which is of more interest to us in this article, is deliberate and punitive. In that circumstance, sex becomes a weapon – a weapon of retaliation, intimidation and coercion. There will be no sex except something is promised in exchange. That is one sacrificing his or her marriage on the altar of narrow interest. By the time your partner starts looking elsewhere to satisfy that emotional urge, you will have yourself to blame.

Sex is a duty every spouse owes his or her partner. There is no excuse for it. Any reason for not obliging it should be discussed and accepted by two of you. A married man is no longer the sole owner of his body. The same thing applies to a married woman. In all truth, your wife or husband owns your body more than you. So you should oblige any time he or she wants your body. By surrendering any time your partner needs you, you are protecting your marriage.

I had earlier written something on cheating in marriage. It was not exhaustive, nonetheless, but in this one I am taking it from another perspective – the perspective of the main reason why married couples cheat in marriage. Every other reason emanates from this main reason. It is the root cause, the architect of cheating in marriage, nay, the architect of all unfaithfulness.

Who or what Am I talking about? You may ask.  I am talking about he that brought man down from glory. He that brought sin into the life of man, including the sin of cheating in marriage. The being that is responsible for your marriage partner who once loved and cherished you, who amongst all the women and men on earth chose you for life, who vowed never to look at any other man or woman, to suddenly make a volt face and preferred another man or woman.

I am talking about Satan, that old man called the devil, the crooked serpent. He is responsible for all your marriage woes. When your husband or wife goes sniffing around another woman or man it is because the devil has beguiled him or her as he did to King David. Satan deceives a man or woman to believe that there is something in another woman or man that is not in his wife or her husband. Okay, the crooked serpent tells you that the only way to get even is to cheat your spouse. But soon after you realize that you have only succeeded in ruining your marriage or contacting STD.

Cheating your spouse is about the worst offence you can commit against him or her. It is also the greatest and worst of all the forces which Satan marshals out against sound marriage relationship. Cheating in marriage affects the entire family – it harms the offender, the spouse and the children. It makes a man or a woman lose self esteem. It makes the offender look ordinary.

Satan knows all these. He knows that when a spouse becomes ordinary to his or her partner, respect, love and confidence is lost. And these are the bases of marriage. When they are lost married couples would become room mates trying to cope on mutual respect until one gets fed up and quits. That is all he wants to achieve. So he will blindfold his victim to this reality with the fantasies of ephemeral infatuation and transient pleasure. A cheating spouse is like a drunk hypnotized by false enjoyment only to awake to the reality of his or her debauchery latter on.

When you compare the women that lure away husbands to the wives of those men, you may see that something is wrong. That also goes for the men that lure away women. Of course, there is something wrong in any man that leaves his wife for another woman. And there is something wrong also in any woman that leaves her husband for another man. What is wrong is what the devil has put in that man or woman.

Prayerlessness is an indication of self reliance and rebellion against God. The educated and exposed may not see any need to pray and rely on God for the success of his or her marriage because he or she has all the wisdom of how to handle his wife or her husband. There are a lot of books to read and seminars to attend on marriage. Marriage counsellors operating with carnal and academic knowledge which tranforms no person also abound. So, there is more trust in these than in God.

But the fact remains that in dealing with human beings, we are not dealing with materials things that are at our beck and call. Human beings are spirits, and no ordinary man has control over spirits.    That is why all your threats do not move your wife or husband. That is why he or she continues to cause you heartbreak despite your love for him or her. That is why there is that disturbing mood swing which threatens the peace of your marriage in your marriage partner.

The spiritual aspect of man can only be handled by God, and that through prayer. Otherwise all marriage books, seminars and counsellors would have ended all marriage conflicts and crises by now. But ironically, the more books are written on the topic and seminars organised, the more marriage problems abound. The key to sound marriage relationship is not in any other thing but in depending on God. And we express our dependence on, and humility to God through prayer.

There may not be any statistics to prove this point, but it appears educated married couples experience marriage break-ups more than the less educated ones. If marriage problems could be solved only by mental ability, surely the educated would have had less problems in marriage. I believe that married couples who make God a stake holder in their marriage experience less problems in their marriage relationship.

Prayerfulness by married couples help tremendously to achieve sound marriage relationship because husband and wife who pray together usually have one mind. As they pray for each other, their love and affection for each other continue to increase. Praying against problems in their marriage relationship will create in each of them the responsibility to ensure and maintain peace and harmony in the home. This is because prayer has a compelling force and brings God into a situation.

In our ever growing materialistic society with its attendant economic difficulties, family unity is easily sacrificed for the material needs of the family. So a situation where husband and wife are living separately has become a norm. However, involuntary separation of married couples has ugly consequences for both sound marriage relationship and the family generally.

One, the principle of GOD concerning marriage is that the two shall be glued together. HE said: “What GOD has joined together, let no man put asunder.” It simply means that NOTHING should put asunder people whom GOD has joined together as husband and wife. Putting asunder includes temporary separation under whatever guise. To allow job, business, education or anything else to cause husband and wife to live apart is against the Godly marriage principle of cleaving together.

Two, the Bible says that two are better than one. When husband and wife are always together, they reason together by seeking the opinion of each other on family matters. The children are brought up jointly and other family tasks and challenges are carried out together. This is not the case when married couples are forced to live separately. No parent can face the challenges of child rearing alone. Single parenthood – whether by choice or involuntary – is partly responsible for the moral decadence of the society.

Three, involuntary separation exposes sound marriage relationship to lots of dangers, the worst being the danger of extra marital affair. Many homes have been broken and marriages wrecked as a result of extra marital affair arising from involuntary separation of married couples.. Only few and God fearing men can resist the temptation of cheating their wives when they are away from the woman for a considerable period of time. The same goes for women.

Now, it must be realised that anything – including temporary separation of husband and wife – which affects sound marriage relationship is orchestrated by the devil. In the past when the sanctity and values of marriage were esteemed it was not so. The society was better. Children had better upbringing. So married couples should resist any pressure that could lead to the breaking of their togetherness.

To many marriages, childlessness is the beginning of crises. It leads to accusations and counter accusation. Childlessness in marriage leads to suspicion and loss of confidence in the relationship. It is a worm in the apple. Outwardly and in public, the married couples seem to be getting on fine but at home crises rule. Childlessness is a devourer; when it crips in, it leaves the couples desolate, desolate of what brought them together, of their hope and aspirations.

Childlessness is one of the fears of marriage. No one prays for it, but it could come – for a shorter or longer period. It is always a door crasher, uninvited guest. It is a thief that comes to steal, to kill and to destroy the sound marriage relationship of couples. Childlessness is a test of the love and oneness of married couples. It stretches their tolerance and endurance. The strength of the marriage vow – for better, for worse – is either made stronger or weaker by childlessness.

In some cultures, childlessness is not tolerated because of the fear of the extinction of the family tree. This usually leads to polygamy and high rate of divorce. The woman who could not concieve is subjected to mockery and called all sorts of names because of the general assumption that childlessness is always the fault of the woman. But in some other cultures, childlessness in marriage is not any problem. Some married couples may even decide not to have a children.

Having said all these, let’s recall that GOD’s command is for men to increase and multiply and replenish the earth. HE also promised that none shall be barren in our land. Now, going by the faithfulness of GOD, we must understand that childlessness in marriage is neither HIS will nor HIS doing. It is satan that is responsible. Satan can cause childlessness in marriage through a medical problem – body malfunction, spiritual problem or carelessness of past life.

Whatever the cause of childlessness in marriage, consult your marriage counsellor, your pastor and/or your doctor. You must look unto GOD for help bearing in mind all HIS promises concerning fruitfulness. For GOD to intervene, there must be peace, love and oneness in the marriage relationship. Childlessness should not bring any problem in marriage relationship if there is love and oneness between the couples.

The brain behind all problems in marriage relationship is Satan. Satan and his angels are mischievous – all they do is to cause problems and disobedience. They know that when a marriage has problems, it will affect every other thing the couples do. It will affect the home and the society generally. This is so because sound marriage relationship is indispensable to sound society.

One of the ways Satan unleashes his terror against marriage relationship is by causing the couples to disregard the Word of God – the foundation and pillar of marriage. God ordained marriage and gave each partner his or her role in it. If those roles and rules are followed by each partner, there will be harmony and love. But instead of the Word of God being the guiding principle in marriage relationships, all we see and hear are agitations for equality of sexes and the subjugation of womenfolk.

Aside the Word of God, various societies have traditional values aimed at safeguarding the institution of marriage. Where those values are good, they have also been attacked by frivolous modernity orchestrated by the devil. Otherwise, what is the rationale in arguing that traditional values that safeguarded the marriage relationships of our forebears and made them have fulfilled and pleasurable marriages are now outdated. Yet, the so-called modern values have only brought ruin to our marriages, homes and the society.

The Bible and most other traditional marriage values teach submission by the wife, love, care, respect and faithfulness to each other, etc. If married couples should go back to these values, marriage relationships would return to what they should be.